Angels

Nesting.  According to UrbanDictionary.com, “Nesting is a ritual performed by pregnant women in ridding the house, the “nest”, from anything potentially harmful to the soon to be born child.”

So, I’m not pregnant, but I have certainly been feeling the urge to “nest” lately.  There is just so much to do before my upcoming surgery, and I want my house to be as stress-free as possible.  I’ve also been somewhat nostalgic lately.  Just watching Charlie grow up and see him learning so many new things makes me miss the times when he was a tiny baby and wanted to be held all the time.  He still wants to be held a lot, but he’s also independent in his own ways.  I’m trying to make as many good memories with him as I can.  I want Charlie to have the best life that Jason and I can possibly give him.  I cherish every moment with him.  One of my favorite times with him is when we are cuddling at night watching the Disney Channel and he falls asleep in my arms.  Yes, Charlie still sleeps in our bed, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  After I have my surgery he won’t be able to cuddle with me for a few weeks.  So I am taking advantage of every moment I can get with him.  He is the reason why I am taking charge of my destiny and having my PBM next month.

I wanted so badly to know someone who was faced with the same exact situation as I was with my BRCA gene mutation.  Everyone I talked to gave me an empathetic look and an “I’m so sorry”.  Nobody could give me any guidance on what to do, not even my own mother.  She kept telling me that she would support me in whatever I decided to do.  She didn’t want me to have to have the surgery, but if that is what I chose then she would support me.  We were keeping the situation hush hush to my family until we need what I was going to do.  I didn’t want my Mom-mom to get upset over the news as she has enough to deal with on her plate.

I spoke about my mutation with a few close friends and some coworkers.  My friend Debi at work told me about a woman named Sophie who is in a different department.  Sophie had breast cancer in 2011, and Debi thought it might be helpful if I spoke with her.

Sophie and I had lunch one afternoon.  She told me her story.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer early in 2011.  She just had a “feeling” like something was wrong.  It turns out she had between a Stage 0 and Stage 1 breast cancer.  She had a double mastectomy and reconstruction, but didn’t need any chemotherapy or radiation.  She’s been cancer-free every since.  She does not have a BRCA mutation, but her mother had breast cancer at a young age too.  We chatted and I shared my experience with her.  She was so kind and “understood” my anxiety and fears.  It felt so nice to have someone understand!  Sophie gave me the number to her breast surgeon (Dr. Sylvia Campbell) and plastic surgeon (Dr. Henry Redmon).  She had nothing be praise to say about Dr. Campbell.

I figured I would give them both a call to schedule appointments.

In the mean time, Sophie and I chatted some more.  She gave me advice and we met over espresso a few times.  Early in May we did a 5k together at Moffitt.  She ran the 5k, Leona and I walked while pushing Charlie and Zoe in strollers!  I finished the 5k in less than an hour, which to me seemed good at the time!

On May 10, 2012 Jason and I met with Dr. Campbell.  Her office is in an old historic home in South Tampa.  The staff was welcoming and the office was adorned with angels.  This is my kind of doctor, I thought.  I collect angels and am a firm believer that we all have angels around us.

Dr. Campbell is a woman in her late-50’s.  From what I’ve read she does a lot of charity work in Haiti and is very well received in the community here in Tampa.  When she came into the room she was so kind and welcoming.  We talked about my BRCA1 mutation and what options I have.  Then came the dreaded “I suggest you have a prophylactic mastectomy.”

I couldn’t help myself as I broke down and cried.  “Everyone keeps telling me that,” I sobbed.  “It’s like it should be an obvious decision to make, but every doctor wants to butcher me!”

Dr. Campbell handed me a tissue and reassuringly rubbed my shoulder.  “We don’t want to butcher you,” she said in a calming voice.  “We want to prevent you from getting cancer. You can wait and be screened, but with risks as high as 87% you’re bound to end up getting cancer.  And having a mastectomy after you have cancer is more difficult than having one as prevention.”

Her soothing explanation helped calm my nerves a bit.  Then she did a breast exam, which I must say was probably the most thorough exam I’ve ever had.  I told her that if I decide to have surgery I want to wait until January so that my mom can come down for it.  Dr. Campbell suggested that I have an MRI done of my breasts, just to put my mind at ease.  When Jason and I were leaving she gave us a hug and reassured us that we are making the right decision.  “Go home and take care of your little boy,” she said.  “Everything will be fine.”

A few days later I received a letter in the mail from Dr. Campbell.  She personally took the time to write me a letter telling me that everything will be alright and that I can call her anytime with any concerns I have.  Not only did I find my doctor, but I found an angel.