Scar tissue goes POP!

Yet another restless night.  I'm becoming quite the night owl.  This Thursday will mark my eight week anniversary since my mastectomy.  Sometimes it seems surreal, but I am becoming quite accustomed to my "new" body.  I started a diet two weeks ago and have lost about 7-8lbs.  I'm eating healthier and I feel good.

Today I had my 6th fill in my expanders.  I am now up to 700cc's in righty and 690cc's in lefty.  Why the difference you ask?  Today I went in for my weekly fill with nurse Debbie.  The fills take about 30 minutes, but aren't painful.  Debbie and I share a nice conversation that ranges anywhere from talking about yoga, our kids and our husbands to how large I want to go with my expanders.  She normally fills me with 50cc's in each side, but last week I asked her if we could try more since I wasn't having much pain anymore.  Last week she put 75cc's in each side.  Lefty was pretty sore for about two days, but I was feeling better by Thursday.  Today she put the same amount in each side.

Debbie filled righty first - no pain at all.  In fact, because I am completely numb where the port is I felt nothing at all.  The port on lefty is up a bit higher where I still have some feeling, so I always feel her inject the needle.  I still had a bruise from last week and so it hurt more than usual when she started filling me.  I was trying to be a trooper and not complain about the pain, but the more she pressed down on the pump the more I could feel my skin stretching and the pain starting in my back.  Still, foolishly, I didn't say anything and continued on with our conversation.  When we had about 10cc's left to go she stopped for a second because her hand was hurting her.  I asked her if we were almost finished because I was feeling the stretching "a little bit".  She said we could stop, but since we only had 10cc's left to go I said to finish it.

Then I heard, and felt, a big snap in chest.  As soon as Debbie started to fill again I was in excrutiating pain.  I cried out.  Of course she stopped immediately.  It felt like something broke in the upper left part of my breast.  Then the pain shot up my shoulder and down my left arm into my fingers.  The pain brought me to tears.  Debbie explained to me that it was most likely scar tissue tearing from being stretched.  She offered to take some of the saline out, but I just wanted the needle as far away from me as possible.  Once the pain began to subside I went home and promised to call her if I wanted her to take some of the saline out.

I was still in tears when I got home, which scared my husband.  The pain was getting worse.  I decided to take a percocet to see if that would ease the pain.  It certainly did.  Unfortunately I didn't get any rest because Charlie wanted me to play with him all afternoon when he got home from school.  Once the percocet wore off this evening they pain was back.  I couldn't get comfortable.  If I laid on my back the pressure of the expanders made it hard to breath.  I couldn't lay on my side without pain shooting down each arm.  Finally, around 11:00pm I went back to my trusty old recliner that helped me sleep through the first two weeks post-op.  I slept for about two hours when I woke up in pain again.  Then Charlie woke up and wanted to cuddle.  (I have to admit, his cuteness helped.  I said, "Mommy's boo-boo's are hurting me.  Would you rather cuddle with Daddy so I cant get better?"  He said in his sweet little voice, "Nope.")

So. here it is 2:23am and I resorted to another percocet.  The pain is now tolerable, and Jason rubbed my arm to ease some of the tension.

As I've said before, you can't ever be truly prepared for all of the aftermath of a surgery like this.  There are good days, and there are bad days.  I've been blessed with mostly good days, but today has been quite trying.  I'm exhausted (what else is new).

In other news, I received my business cards from FORCE, and I am very excited to be an Outreach Coordinator here in Tampa.   I will post more about that (hopefully) tomorrow, as long as this pain has subsided.

Goodnight, everyone!  Let's hope these pain meds help me get some much needed rest.

Xoxo

My Angel in Heaven

It's the first day of spring!  The day that many people (in the Northern Hemisphere) have been longing for all winter.  Spring is the season of rebirth.  The harsh winter season is behind us and Mother Nature nurishes the earth with a rebirth of beautiful flowers. 

For me, spring is a constant reminder of breast cancer's unforgiving nature.  Twenty-six years agotoday my beautiful Aunt Rainy succumbed to her battle with breast cancer.  For a three-year-old, I still remember that day vividly.  I was walking down the stairs at my Mom-mom and Pop-pop's house holding my mom's hand.  I was wearing pink pants and a white shirt.  My Pop-pop answered a phone call and then told us that Aunt Rainy had taken a turn for the worse.  Everyone cried.  I didn't fully understand what was going on, but I knew it couldn't be good. 

Aunt Rainy was the first person in my immediate family to have breast cancer (that we know of).  Genetic testing wasn't available in the 1980's, so she didn't have the option to prevent cancer.  I've witnessed first hand what breast cancer can do to a family.  My mom lost her only sister.  My Mom-mom couldn't watch a home video of Aunt Rainy without crying for days.  Although I was very young when the Lord called Aunt Rainy home to Heaven, her memory lived on through the stories that my Mom-mom would tell me as I was growing up. 

I cannot stress enough that if you have a strong history of breast or ovarian cancer in your family, please consider genetic testing.  Hereditary breast and ovarian cancer pops up earlier in life than the general population.  Genetic screen potentially saved my life.  Under the Affordable Care Act, genetic testing for breast cancer will now be covered according to this news article. 

http://news.yahoo.com/breast-cancer-genetic-testing-gets-covered-health-care-234648209.html

 Aunt Rainy did not have the options to prevent breast cancer that we have today.  Her legacy will live on through me and I will do my best to spread the word that prevention can save lives.  She is my angel and my guardian, and although my family (her daughter, my mom, my Mom-mom...) miss her tremendously, Heaven is a little bit brighter today as she smiles down upon us. We miss you Aunt Rainy! 

In loving memory of Lorraine Marie Castellucci 1948-1987.

Increase in Mastectomies

No one has questioned my decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Nobody has told me that I was making a horrible decision or that I was crazy for doing so. Perhaps once I tell them about my family history of breast cancer and that I *had* an 87% chance of getting breast cancer they realize how serious having a BRCA1 mutation is.

Not all women are as fortunate to have the great support that I've had. There are many critics opposed to mastectomies, whether they be preventative or not. Since 1996, when genetic testing for BRCA mutations became available, there has been a large spike in women choosing mastectomies over lumpectomies or doing it preventatively. This article from CNN goes into more details on.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/13/health/double-mastectomy-rates-up/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Having an aunt lose her battle with breast cancer in her thirties and seeing my Mom-mom battling breast cancer for the second time at 90-years-old, plus having a BRCA1 mutation that was the cause of their suffering, made having a prophylactic mastectomy a no brainer. Don't get me wrong, it was not an easy decision to surgically remove my breasts. There was a lot of research involved and many restless nights crying over what felt like the inevitable. When you're told that it's not a matter of if, but when you will get breast cancer, you begin to reprioritize your life. Do I want to die from this disease? No. Do I want my son to grow up without a mother?  No. Plain and simple, I don't want to die from breast cancer.

There seems to be this stigma in society that breasts are what define a woman. It takes a strong woman to decide to remove her breasts, and that's might intimidate some people. For example, when Miss Washington DC, Allyn Rose, opened up about her decision to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy once her duties with Miss America were complete, people bombarded her facebook page pleading with her not to do. There was a lot of support for Ms. Rose, but I was shocked to find that mainly men were practically begging her not to have this surgery. Their reasoning ranges from "your're too beautiful" to "eat an apple and a carrot everyday and you won't get breast cancer." I'm sure standing on my head whilst balancing balls on my nose and wearing a green tutu will prevent us from getting breast cancer too.

In my opinion, the reason we are seeing an increasd in mastectomies is because there is so much more information out there today than there was twenty years ago. Plastic surgeons can do amazing things with reconstruction techniques so that women don't feel so "deformed" or "unwomanly" after this surgery. Many women who carry a BRCA mutation have witnessed loved ones suffer from breast and/or ovarian cancer. Now those women have a chance to stop what may be the inevitable.

A quote in the article I mentioned earlier states, "We want quick solutions, and we expect there's an answer to every problem. In many cases these women don't need double.

My choice to have a mastectomy was not a quick solution, and it certainly was not an answer to all of my problems. If someone told you that if you get on an airplane you have an 87% chance of that plsne crashing with you in it, would you fly on that plane? I wouldn't. My breasts didn't define me as a woman, but they did consume me with fear. Maybe I didn't need to have a mastectomy, but I certainly didn't need to have my life taken from me by breast cancer.

Until next time...

Xoxo

Fills and Enlightenments

It's been nearly six weeks since my prophylactic mastecomy. I started my fills in my expanders three weeks ago. I can definitely notice a difference and dont look so unproportionate in shirts. When a plastic surgeon does fills he is injecting saline into a port that lies just beneath your skin. By having fills done once a week it stretches your skin and muscle (the expanders are placed behind your muscle since the skin is so thin after a mastectomy). Some women opt to have direct-to-implants, but I wasnt a good candidate for that. If I had chosen that route I probably would have ended up smaller thsn I was before surgery. With expanders I can essentially choose what size I want to be.

 

Fills dont necessarily hurt when the doctor is doing them. The needle looks a lot worse than it is. I usually don't feel the injection on my right side since I am still numb there. I do feel it on the left,  but it doesnt hurt. The doctor has been injecting 50cc's on each side during each visit. Since we are stretching my skin and muscles I am usually pretty sore for about a day after my fills.

 

Going through this whole process has been very enlightening for me. I could've had breast cancer, but I don't. I have been given a chance at life that so many women don't have. I need to cherish everything I've been blessed with - my husband, my son, my family and friends.  We only get one chance at life, so we shouldn't waste it wondering what could have been or feeling sorry for ourselves.

 

Here is Charlie at three-months old.  He's given me my strength and courage throughout this journey.  He gives my life great purpose!

 

Until next time... xoxo