Post Mastectomy Recovery Advice

The months leading up to my prophylactic mastectomy were fill with anxiety, worry and stress over whether or not I was making the “right” decision.  Of course now I can say with absolute confidence that it was the “right” decision for me, but during the ten months between receiving my BRCA results and having my surgery I feared the unknown.  Questions like “will I regret my decision,” “what if I am unhappy with the results,” “what if something goes wrong,” “what if I don’t wake up from surgery” flooded my mind almost constantly.  The FORCE message boards and facebook groups such as “Prophylactic Mastectomy” helped answer most of my questions and ease my mind.  I began to grow more and more comfortable with my decision as my surgery date approached.

I tried to be as prepared as possible for my recovery.  My mom came to Florida for two weeks, I turned our recliner into my new bed, all of my antibiotics and pain medications were filled, the pantry was stocked with healthy food and my spirometer was always handy.  Still, there were factors that I hadn’t considered.  How was this surgery going to affect my body image or my physical and emotion strength?

My friend Vikkie and I put together a list of pieces of advices we wish we had received prior to our surgeries.  In no way would this have changed my mind on having a mastectomy, but it may have helped ease the struggles post-mastectomy.  (Please note, this is not medical advice.  These are a few tips that will help you through your recovery.)

Body Image

If you’re having a mastectomy, whether it’s prophylactic or medically necessary and whether you choose to have reconstruction or not, your body is going to change and with that your body image may change as well. 

I wish I had lost a few extra pounds and exercised more before my surgery.  It wasn’t medically necessary, but I think it could have helped me heal faster.  A few days ago I was trying on bathing suits in the dressing room of a local department store.  I could only guess what size top would fit me since I hadn’t been officially measured yet.  I grabbed a medium, large and (gasp) extra large top and headed to the dressing room with confidence that I would look fabulous.  I struggled to squeeze into the medium, but quickly gave up with that size after a few seconds.  The large didn’t sit right over my belly.  As for the EXTRA large… it fit me, but my new chest that used to be a measly b cup was popping out of the top putting Pamela Anderson to shame (not in a good way).  I quickly changed back into my tee shirt and ran out of that department store certain I would never step foot on a beach again.

As for Vikkie, she says, “I went smaller in breast size, but for someone who has been overweight for a few years one of the first things I thought was, ‘my stomach looks huge.’  It’s not huge, but now that my boobs are smaller everything else feels bigger. Do not put yourself under any pressure to quickly lose weight after a PBM because your body is still healing. If anything, take up small doses of exercise which can aid in your recovery after your surgery Depending on the outcome of your surgery you may gain body confidence, but for others they may lose it. My implants have not settled right so a lot of my tops look odd, any horizontal striped tops look very strange on me, but then I have a top I brought some years back that fits great.  You need to be prepared that your favourite top that was always your fall back may now be the top you look worst in.”

So what can you do if you feel your body image has changed?  First and foremost, remember why you chose to have this surgery.  You chose life.  You chose not to let cancer beat you down.  You are not alone in these thoughts, and there are other women who have walked in your shoes and swam in your bathing suits.  It’s also important to note that your new “girls” may be more visible to you than they are to others.  If you’ve just had your surgery it will take time for the swelling to go down and for everything to “settle”.  Retail therapy may be the best medicine!  Have fun shopping for your new wardrobe.  You’ve been through hell and back, so rock your new look with all the confidence you can find.

Sleeping like a baby, or sleeping like you just had a baby?

Mommies out there can relate.  Remember when you brought that precious bundle of joy home from the hospital and your world is perfect and you could stay up all night watching him sleep and everything was so peaceful?  No?  Me neither.  I remember late night feedings and diaper changes, smelling of baby vomit and not remembering if I took a shower that day.  That’s kind of how it was when I came home from the hospital after my mastectomy, except the bundle of “joy” was my expanders, my world was perfect when it was time for pain meds, and I stayed up all night watching Jimmy Kimmel.  The late night feedings turned into late night medicating, the diaper changes turned to drain stripping, and forgetting to shower became not being able to shower.
 

Vikkie remembers her stay in the hospital as a struggle.  Staying in ward as opposed to a private or semi-private room can make it difficult to catch up on those much needed zz’s.  She says, “Be prepared not to get much sleep, but don’t be scared to ask the nurses for something to help you sleep at 2am when ‘that woman’ is screaming in bed 92 again.”

I spent much of my first week home from the hospital sleeping in my recliner after my morning, afternoon and evening meds.  My nights were restless, especially once I began weaning off of the pain medication (more on that later).  I couldn’t sleep on my belly or side for a few months, and the rock hard expanders made sleeping on my back difficult.

I suggest having a recliner handy to sleep in for the first few weeks.  Have you ever tried getting in and out of bed without using your arms for support?  It’s not easy.  Stock up on comfy pillows like body pillows or backrest pillows.  Always have your favorite blanket or stuffed animal available for cuddles (admit it, you have one too).  You can always try chamomile tea, lavender, baths (once you’ve received the OK from your doc) or massage (again, get your doctor’s approval first), but what works one night may not work the next.  It could take a few weeks to return to your old sleep patterns, but in the meantime read some books, watch movies or post some crazy facebook statuses (um, definitely never did the last one).

All I Need is Love, Pain Meds and... I love unicorns!

I hate medicine.  I hate everything about it.  I can’t swallow pills without fear that I will choke and die.  I didn’t have to worry about choking and dying in the hospital because I had an IV that was pumping morphine through my veins every time I hit the magical little button.  With each press the pain would go away, and the itching would begin.  The doctor switched me to another type of medicine, but I can’t remember which.  When I left the hospital I was prescribed with an antibiotic (big pill), a muscle relaxer (bigger pill) and percoset (I had a love/hate relationship with this one).  Whether you are comfortable taking medication or hate taking medication, it’s very important to stay on top of the pain meds when you leave the hospital.  I alternated the muscle relaxers with the Percocet every three hours for the first few days.  My mom created a schedule so we wouldn’t miss a dose.  After a few days I slowly began pushing back the times for my medication, but if I missed a dose I felt like I was run over by ten busses and a stampede of moose.

By week three I was only taking a muscle relaxer in the morning and a Percocet at night.  As I began cutting back the Percocet I found myself with a new friend to keep me company at night... restless leg syndrome.  My pain level throughout the day was bearable, but as soon as I climbed into bed RLS decided to pay me a visit.  I would lie in bed for hours at a time trying to get comfortable and fight the urge to get up and run a marathon at 2am.  One night I found myself doing lunges across the house to tire out my legs.  I tried just about every technique imaginable to stop my restless legs.  I kicked them around like I was playing in the World Cup while lying in bed.  I put a bar of soap under my sheets (old wives tale).  I drank a glass of wine (prescribed to me by my doctor).  I drank sleepy time tea and tonic water, took a warm bath, did yoga, rubbed bengay all over my legs until I smelled like an old man in a nursing home.  Nothing helped, except... Percocet.  It wasn’t my go-to remedy every night, but there were nights that I would scream in frustration and want to rip my legs off just to get an hour of sleep.  After a few weeks of torture, my loyal pal restless legs agreed it was time to part ways.

Remember, you do not want to become dependent on your medications, so it is very important to take them responsibly.  If you feel your medications aren’t working or if you need help weaning off your medication, speak with your doctor.

Food Glorious Food!

Nothing is more important to your recovery than making sure you are getting enough protein and healthy foods.  Thank goodness my mama is a good cook.  I drank a lot of green tea and ate fresh fruits and veggies during my recovery. 

If you’re having late night cravings during your restless, such as Vikkie had, don’t panic.  You won’t find yourself turning into a gremlin if you eat at 3am, but depending on what you snack on it’s not going to help any bloated feelings you may have after the surgery.  Try to avoid foods that will make you feel bloated such as broccoli, brussel sprouts and fried, greasy food.  Your body is recovering and needs the handful of blueberries more than it needs the handful of chocolate chips (did I really just say that?).

Vikkie says, “I found myself with a sudden love/hate relationship with croissants. It happens and it eventually passes. But if you find yourself sitting at a McDonalds drivethru at 4am ordering 3 big macs and 4 large fries and there’s only you in the car then you may want to get someone to hide the car keys at night.”

Potty Talk

Potty talk is an everyday conversation in my house with my three year, but I didn’t expect to have to bring up this topic to my doctor about me.  Being loaded with anaesthesia for hours and taking pain medication multiple times a day can cause some issues when it’s time to go potty.  Have some stool softeners and food loaded with fiber readily available when you come home from the hospital.  Oatmeal with blueberries and flax seed was my go-to breakfast after surgery.

Walking up a flight of stairs may feel like you’ve climbed the Empire State Building

You may feel exhausted for a few weeks or even months following your surgery.  What used to be a simple task may now wear you out.  Take each day one step at a time.  If making dinner or grocery shopping tires you, take a step back and relax.  Remember, you had major surgery.  Don’t expect to be in the gym at full force right after having a mastectomy, but each day you will gradually begin to get your strength back.

Reach high in the air!

There is a good chance that you will have very limited range of motion in your arms.  If you had expanders or direct-to-implant with your mastectomy they put the expanders or implants behind your chest muscle.  So when you think about it, as that muscle is being stretched you will feel it in your back, neck, arms, etc. 

The first week and a half after surgery I could not lift my arms to brush or wash my hair.  I had to rely on my husband to wash and style my hair.  I have to give him credit because he tried to put my hair in a pony tail, but it felt like he was ripping my hair out every time he brushed. I wore a hat most days until I was able to style my own hair!

Check with your doctor about what exercises you can do to help gain back your range of motion.  I would stand facing a wall and walk my hands up the wall in front of me as high as I could go.  Then I would raise my arms out to the sides as high as I could go.  I would also roll my shoulders to the back and front.  As long as I had those pesky expanders I didn’t have full range of motion, but I’m happy to say that now I do have complete range of motion back.

Please check out foobie fitness for post-mastectomy exercises.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J64S0mZ7w0k

Drains, ew.

Drains are gross.  They are plastic tubes that protrude out of your sides with little bulbs at the end to catch your nasty, gooey, bloody fluid.  You need to empty them every day, sometimes multiple times each day, and measure how much nasty gooey, bloody fluid you are draining out of your body.  Some people have two drains, some have four, some have ten (just kidding, I don’t know anybody who had ten drains).  It’s important to keep your drains clean and keep a log of how much you are draining.  You will need to provide this information to your doctor.
 

My doctor removed my surgical bra four days after my mastectomy.  The surgical bra had been holding the drains close to my body and preventing them from pulling.  After my doctor removed the bra I had nothing holding the drains still.  The tension of the drains pulling at the incision site was very painful.  I found that wrapping gauze around me to hold them in place helped.  I put the drain bulbs in a fanny pack so they wouldn’t be just hanging there.

My drains were removed six days after my surgery, however the amount of time needed to keep the drains in varies from person to person.  Some women have drains for a week, others can have them three weeks.

Complications

Complications, though rare, can occur to any of us.  Signs and symptoms to watch out for are fever, swelling, and redness, pain or hot spots around the incision area.  If you have any of these symptoms, please contact your doctor immediately.

Ask for help!!

The most important piece of advice I can offer to any woman undergoing a prophylactic mastectomy is to not be afraid to ask for help.  My mom flew to Florida for two weeks to help me after my surgery.  Things I couldn’t do myself included cooking, bathing, driving and taking care of my son.  Don’t put too much stress on your body during your recovery.  You may feel well enough to do something as simple as making dinner one night, but find yourself exhausted afterward.  Take the time to allow your body to heal.      

 

Special thanks to Vikkie on the other side of the pond for helping me put this information together!         

 

XoXo,

Terri

Happy Anniversary, My Love

Four years ago today I married the love of my life.  We had only met five months prior, but the connection between us was there from the beginning.  I took on a part time job as a hostess at the restaurant where Jason worked.  I was recovering from my annual case of bronchitis, but went to work anyway because I needed to make extra money to cover the $300 cost of the doctor bill and prescriptions.  I decided to have some French onion soup to soothe my sore throat before my shift started (this vegetarian didn’t realize it was made with beef broth).  I chatted with a few coworkers as I enjoyed my beefy “vegetarian” soup.  Jason came over to join us, and we engaged in casual conversation.

 

To this day, Jason insists this was the first time we met.  However, we actually met a few weeks prior around my second week.  He came up to the hostess stand and introduced himself.  “I’m JC… or you can call me Jason.  It doesn’t matter.”  Later on that evening he helped me rearrange tables for a large party coming in.  He doesn’t remember this though.

 

A few weeks later we had our first date.  Two months later we moved in together.  Three months later we were married.  We didn’t have a big wedding.  It was just the two of us.  Plain and simple.  That was all we needed. 

 

There are people who say that everything happens for a reason.  You find love when you aren’t looking.  Sometimes God sends a person into your life when you least expect it, but need it the most.  They may stay in your life for a few days, months, a lifetime or a just a few short moments.  Jason came into my life during a time when I was doubting whether or not there were any decent men left in the world, or if I would ever find someone who would respect me and love me and complete me.  All of my struggles prior to meeting Jason suddenly made sense because each decision I ever made, whether it be good or bad, ultimately led me to him and our happiness.

 

Jason and I balance each other.  In situations where I become the control freak and worry, he remains calm, laid back and reminds me that everything will be okay (which it usually is).  From the moment I received my BRCA test results he was by my side assuring me that everything will be alright (which it is).  He was by my side at every doctor appointment he could be at holding my hand.  He stayed with me during my two night hospital stay after my mastectomy sleeping on a reclining chair that made sleeping on a rock look more comfortable.

 

These past four years have been the best years of my life.  I have an amazing husband, a sweet little boy and I no longer have the fear of breast cancer looming over my head.  Life is good.

 

~Terri

 

 

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The Scoop On Lymphedema

Lymph nodes are immune cells that filter out harmful substances in our lymphatic systems.  When a woman undergoes a mastectomy or lumpectomy a doctor may decide to remove lymph nodes that drain from the breasts to help determine the extent of the cancer.  Cancer found in the lymph nodes tends to lead to poorer prognoses.  When lymph nodes are damaged or removed as a result of surgery, radiation, infection or trauma, lymphedema can occur  Lymphedema is the swelling of the arms or legs due to an accumulation of lymphatic fluid.

Lymphedema can occur at any time after lymph nodes have been compromised.  Symptoms include:  persistent swelling of part or the entire arm, fingers and toes, heaviness and/or tightness  in the arms, limited range of motion, aching or discomfort, and in severe cases hardening or thickening of the skin.  If you experience any of these symptoms, please contact your doctor immediately.

There are different stages of lymphedema.  Stage One is known as “Spontaneously Reversible”.  During this stage the skin or tissue indents to the touch.  Stage Two is “Spontaneously Irreversible.”  The tissue in your arms may have a spongy consistency, but does not indent when you touch it.  Stage Three is “Lymphostatic Elephantiasis”.  At this stage the swelling cannot be reversed and limbs will appear large.  The tissue in the arms will become hard.  If left untreated, the swelling will continue to accumulate becoming a breeding ground for bacteria and infections.  Loss of functioning and skin breakdown may occur.  In the most severe cases, a rare lymphatic cancer, known as Lymphangiosarcoma, may develop.

When I underwent my prophylactic bilateral mastectomy I was told by Dr. Campbell that she would remove lymph nodes to make sure there was no cancer.  (Note: It is not common to have lymph nodes removed during a preventative mastectomy, but some doctors prefer to perform the biopsy as a precaution.)  There are two different types of lymph node dissection.  If cancer is thought to have spread to the lymph nodes, the doctor may decide to perform an axillary lymph node dissection.  The number of nodes removed depends on the location of the cancer.  This procedure is the most invasive.  A sentinel lymph node dissection removes the first few nodes that filter the fluid that drains from the breast.  These nodes would most likely be the first to contain cancer if it has spread.  If cancer is not found, then it is unlikely the cancer has spread.

On the day of my mastectomy a nurse came to explain the sentinel lymph node dissection to me as this is the procedure that Dr. Campbell would perform.  The nurse injected each breast with blue radioactive liquid four times.  (It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the epidural needle they use during labor!  Side note, the blue dye turns your urine blue for a few days.)  The liquid drains towards the lymph nodes and lights up a path for the surgeon to find the sentinel nodes.  My surgeon only took five or six lymph nodes, but the number of nodes taken can be as high as thirty.  The lymph nodes are sent off to a pathology lab for analysis.  I am happy to say that my lymph nodes can back free of cancer!

As mentioned before, if you have lymph nodes removed or receive radiation around your lymph nodes you have a lifetime risk developing lymphedema.  However, there are preventative measures you can take to lower your risk.  After my mastectomy, it was very important to rest my arms and avoid any strenuous activity, but my plastic surgeon told me to begin arm exercises early on.  Raising my arms out in front of me, out to the side, over my head and doing shoulder rolls were great ways to gain my range of motion back.  Not only would it help prevent frozen shoulder, but it also encourages movement of the lymphatic fluid.  I had very limited range of motion in the first few weeks following my surgery, but by continuing with my exercises I now have complete range of motion back.

It’s also important to protect your arms and avoid cuts, burns as scrapes.  Since lymph nodes may have been removed during surgery or damaged during radiation, your lymphatic system may not be as strong as it once was, therefore not able to filter out any harmful bacteria that could lead to infection.

If you’ve had a large number of lymph nodes removed, your doctor may tell you to avoid having a blood pressure reading in that arm.  I always remind doctors that I’ve had lymph nodes removed on both sides.  Some doctors may want to take a blood pressure reading from my leg, however my breast surgeon says that since she only removed a small number of nodes, an occasional reading on my arm won’t do harm.

If you travel by air or are exercising, wear compression arm sleeves.  I received my first pair in the mail last weekend.  The cabin pressure in an airplane can cause increased swelling in your arms.  When exercising, especially in heat, your arms and fingers may begin to swell also.  The idea behind compression arm sleeves is help circulation and prevents swelling.

If you are experiencing any of the symptoms mentioned, please reach out to your doctor.  For more information on lymphedema, please check out the following links:

www.lymphnet.org
www.mayoclinic.com
 

Did you hear about Angelina?

“Wake up!  Angelina Jolie had the same surgery as you!” is how I like start off all of my days.   I mean, we have so much in common so it was no surprise to me.  We both have brown hair.  We both have handsome husbands (I love you, Jason!).  She has a daughter named Shiloh and I have a dog named Shiloh.  We both speak English.  Oh yeah, and we both have the BRCA1 mutation and chose to have a mastectomy  to ensure that our children won’t lose their mommy to breast cancer!

Angelina Jolie wrote in the New York Times, “We often speak of Mommy’s mommy, and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us.”  Angelina’s mom died of ovarian cancer after a decade long battle with the disease.

Jason woke me up at 5am to tell me that Angelina Jolie underwent the same prophylactic double mastectomy as me during the same time frame (January-May for me and February-April for her – technically I was first).  I love being woken up early in the morning to hear about celebrity gossip.  I may have muttered something like, “That’s great.  Copycat.” and dozed back off to sleep only to be woken up several more times by facebook notifications (“Did you hear that Angelina Jolie had the same surgery as you??”) and my mother-in-law (“Put on the news!  Angelina Jolie had the same surgery as you!”).  All these interruptions while I was trying to sleep made for a grumpy morning.  I already hadn’t been sleeping well since my exchange surgery on May 7^th, but I was still very sore and achy and had to be at Dr. Campbell’s office by 9:45am.

I was being bombarded by Angelina’s mastectomy on every radio station on the way to my doctor’s office.  People debating whether they would remove their breasts if they had a high risk of breast cancer.  Most of the women said they would do the same thing as Angelina and commended her for being “so brave”.  Every radio station was talking about Angelina’s breasts, but all I wanted to listen to was a Bruno Mars or Fun. song!

After a quick stop at the new Wawa for an iced coffee, I arrived at Dr. Campbell’s office.  Unlike other doctor’s offices that are cold and unwelcoming that resemble the hospital in One Flew Over the Cuckcoo’s Nest, Dr. Campbell’s office is very comforting and relaxing.  Classical music plays in each room (I’m not really sure where it’s coming from, it’s like the music is just in the air!) while angels are all around you making you feel safe. Dr. Campbell greeted me with a hug and asked me how I was feeling, and then asked, “Did you hear about Angelina Jolie?”  I may have muttered something ackward like, “Oh yeah, now it’s cool to have a mastectomy!”

My visit with Dr. Campbell went well.  She said that everything is healing wonderfully since my exchange.  I gave her a few FORCE brochures and my cards to hand out in case any women want to reach out for support, and she released me from her care.  It was bittersweet.  Dr. Campbell played such a huge part in my decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy.  Without her warmth and compassion, I don’t know if I could have gotten through my surgery as optimistic as I was.

As I was leaving the office I received a voice message from Linda Hurtado of ABC Action News.  I had interviewed with her before my surgery, and ABC aired my story on April 1^st.  The voice message said, “Hey, Terri, it’s Linda Hurtado.  I’m sure you heard the news about Angelina Jolie…” and so began my whirlwind of a day.

Linda Hurtado is a breast cancer survivor who was diagnosed with breast cancer almost two years ago.  She had a double mastectomy and has spoken out about her journey many times on the air.  In January I decided to e-mail her to see if she would be interested in sharing my story.

Linda and her cameraman came over to my house around 11:30am to do a follow up interview.  We talked about how I am feeling since my exchange surgery, and of course Angelina Jolie. 

About ten minutes after Linda Hurtado left, I received a call from my genetic counselor at Moffitt.  I haven’t spoken to her since last May when I went in for genetic counseling.  She asked me if I would be interested in talking to a few news stations about my story with BRCA.  I thought it was kind of strange.  Am I the only previvor that Moffitt has on record in Tampa Bay?  I know for a fact that I’m not!  But I agreed to speak with other news stations if it will help spread awareness.  Two minutes after I hung up with my genetic counselor, Patty from Public Relations at Moffitt called me.  She wanted to meet me at Moffitt in an hour to set up the interviews.  Part of me wanted to say no because I was exhausted (I’m still recovering from surgery!), but I’m always saying how I want to help other women in my situation and didn’t want to miss this opportunity.

At Moffitt, I met with Fox news for an interview and Bay News 9.  As I was leaving I received an e-mail from Sue Friedman (founder of FORCE) asking me to speak with the Tampa Bay Times for an interview.  All these interviews, and I actually had to turn two down because I couldn’t make it to their interviews on time!  It felt really good and empowering to spread awareness of my BRCA mutation.  However, I was running here there and everywhere that I overworked myself.  I became very lightheaded and weak.  That is not good for someone who is only a week out of surgery.  I tried to relax when I got home, but I was just too excited!

I think the media did excellent jobs telling my story and mentioning FORCE.  Jason was so excited that he was mentioned in the same sentence as Brad Pitt!  “In the end, having a preventative mastectomy is a personal and family choice.  One Terri’s husband and Angelina Jolie’s husband supported.”

Before I learned of my BRCA 1 mutation last year I had never heard of having a preventative mastectomy.  At first the idea sounded drastic to me, but I soon realized that dying of breast cancer was more drastic.  I praise Angelina Jolie for coming forward and speaking of her journey.  Choosing to have a preventative mastectomy is a scary decision.  You may feel like you’re mutilating your body and wonder if you will feel less of a woman.  I can speak from experience that you are not mutilating your body, and I feel stronger as a woman who could make this life changing decision.  I hope that Angelina’s message will help inspire women who may be scared and feel alone in their journey, or who may think they are high risk for breast or ovarian cancer to speak with their doctors and know there are great resources out there to help them with their decision.

ABC News Interview:  http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/health/locals-react-to-angelina-jolies-decision-to-have-a-double-mastectomy-to-avoid-breast-cancer

Fox News Interview:  http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/story/22250193/2013/05/14/my-whole-world-came-crashing-down

Tampa Bay Times Interview:  http://www.tampabay.com/news/health/angelina-jolies-decision-draws-praise-from-tampa-bay-patients-physicians/2120976

Angelina Jolie's Op-ed:  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?_r=0

 

 

Cancer Doesn't Discriminate - One Family's Battle With Mesothelioma

Mesothelioma is a cancer caused from being exposed by asbestos.  Often times symptoms do not appear until several years after exposure, which makes it difficult for doctors to make an early diagnosis.

I was contacted recently through my RainyGenes blog by a man named Cameron whose wife was diagnosed with mesothelioma 8 years ago.  He asked if I would share is story on my blog.  I am more than happy to spread awareness of any type of cancer whether it be breast cancer, lung cancer, brain cancer or mesothelioma.  Cancer doesn't discriminate no matter what form it comes in.

Here is Cameron's story...

How My Wife's Cancer Changed Our Lives

My wife Heather and I were an ordinary couple with an infant daughter Lily in November of 2005.  That was when our life took a most unexpected turn after Heather was diagnosed with mesothelioma.  It was a frightening time, since neither of us knew how the disease would proceed, but I did my best to stay strong for her and to support her as best I could as she began to undergo the necessary treatments.

A cancer diagnosis throws a monkey wrench into a typical life.  Instead of going to work every day, our hours became consumed with traveling to see doctors and specialists for consultations and treatments.  It was time-consuming and scary, and Heather had to endure the physical challenges of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.  Meanwhile, I had to take care of her and Lily and provide her with the emotional strength that she needed in order to get through this difficult period.  My perspective changed, and my ideas about what was important in life altered radically.

Throughout the whole process, I became much more aware of how precious time with our loved ones is.  Now that Heather has miraculously come through her ordeal and is cancer-free, I treasure every moment that we have together.  I also have taken the opportunity to return to school and study Information Technology, a challenge for which Heather's illness equipped me, since I learned so many lessons about time management and dealing with stress during her illness.

I also learned that as much as I wanted to provide everything that Heather needed, I could only do so much.  That is something that every caregiver should keep in mind, especially when an illness comes up unexpectedly as this one did.  I had no qualifications or expectations that I would be assisting my wife in this manner, but it became my daily reality.  While I don't regret that for a minute, I learned that a caregiver has to be willing to count on others for support during these times.  We would have had a hard time managing if it hadn't been for all of the friends and relatives who generously offered their time and resources.  

Allow others to help in a time of crisis is not weakness.  It is merely a part of being human.  As terrible as Heather's cancer was for both of us, it brought us a deeper appreciation for the bonds of friendship and love that exist among us and so many other people.  Despite the terrifying odds that come with a mesothelioma diagnosis, Heather is still here, healthy and cancer-free over seven years later.  She refused to take her diagnosis as a death sentence, and because of that she has been able to see our baby daughter grow into a beautiful little girl.  We are so thankful for everything we’ve been blessed with, and we hope that our story of success over cancer can be a source of hope and inspiration to all those currently fighting cancer today.

 

For more information on mesothelioma:

http://www.curemeso.org/site/c.kkLUJ7MPKtH/b.5610103/k.9477/Mesothelioma_Treatment_Help.htm

http://www.mesothelioma.com/

 

Heather, Lily and Cameron

Cameron, Lily and Heather

 

Happy BRCA-versary

April 16th marked my one year "BRCA-versary." I don't think being BRCA positive is really a means for celebration, but it was a moment in time that changed my life. I used to pretend that I was invincible from getting breast cancer. If I didn't think about it then I wouldn't get it. That is a very dangerous thought process and quite ignorant for someone with a strong family history of the disease, but it's how I lived prior to April 16, 2012.

 

After I received the news (over the phone!) that my BRCA results were positive I immediately went into a confused and sad frame of mind. Why is this happening to me? How did this happen? My life is over! 

 

I had very little knowledge of what my options were to prevent myself from getting breast cancer. Sadly, this happens far too often. Women receive their BRCA results from a doctor rather than a genetic counselor and their mutation isn't explained to them. All my doctor told me was that I have a mutation and I should have a preventative mastectomy with expander placement as soon as possible, before I have any more children.

 

I'm so glad that I didn't rush into making any decision right then. Instead, I began researching. I called my OBGYN who referred me to speak with an oncologist. Then I called Susan G. Komen to find local support groups. They directed me to FORCE (www.facingourriskofcancer.org). That is where I found an abundance of support. I learned that speaking to a genetic counselor could give me unbiased information on my options with surveillance and surgery. I began talking about my BRCA mutation to just about anyone who would listen - FORCE message boards, Facebook support groups, friends, strangers, my dogs (okay, maybe not the last two, but you get my point).

 

I did my best to cover all of my options to find what was the best decision for me.

 

Eating a healthy diet and exercising - it's important to do this anyway,  but could I prevent breast cancer by eating broccoli and cutting out junk foods? Probably not and there is no guarantee.

 

Surveillance - I was really leaning towards surveillance at the beginning of my journey. Most doctors would recommend alternating a mammogram and MRI every 6 months for high risk patients. After my first MRI, which showed a suspicious spot, and an ultrasound (everything was fine), I realized that early detection is key to beating breast cancer, but prevention is even better.

 

Prophylactic Mastectomy - it reduced my risk of getting breast cancer from 87% to about 2%. I would rather have a mastectomy and reconstruction while I was young and healthy rather than waiting to get breast cancer and have to go through surgery AND have chemo or radiation.

 

I waited nine long, anxiety-filled months before having my mastectomy.  It's been 13 weeks since underwent a surgery that forever changed my life and my perspective on life.  I could have easily been diagnosed with breast cancer, but God gave me a chance to take my destiny into my own hands.  Not many people get that.  So I've made a vow to cherish every moment I have with my little boy, my husband, my family, my friends and my dogs.  I won't take things for granted anymore, especially life because it's too precious and can easily be taken away from you in the blink of an eye.  Watching my little boy splash in the waves at the beach or laughing at Mater as he watches Cars for the 50th time or staying awake to watch his angelic expressions that he makes as he sleeps are what makes my existence meaningful.

 

My life was so different a year ago.  I didn't think I would have the courage to face the toughest decision of my life, but here I am.  I made it.  I survived.  I am stronger than ever.

Happy Birthday, Charlie!

My baby boy is THREE today! I truly cannot believe how fast times flies. I found out I was pregnant on July 11, 2009. I took two pregnancy tests because I didn't believe the first one, then spent the day at Siesta Key. I was on cloud nine with excitement!

On April 2, 2010 at 10:32pm after 27 hours of labor, the most beautiful baby boy I've ever laid eyes on was placed in my arms. My life was forever changed. Gone were the nights of sleep and rest, making plans on my terms and putting myself first. My world revolved (and still does) around Charlie. Since Charlie was born I've had a handful of decent nights sleep. I know all of the words to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Special Agent Oso. I spend my days playing with trains and puzzles, making chocolate milk and going on bear hunts. Such simplicity can bring children so much happiness.

I owe Charlie thanks for bringing meaning into my life and helping me appreciate the finer things. Charlie is such a delight to anyone who meets him (except maybe the young couple in the booth behind us who are trying to enioy a nice dinner but have a toddler staring them down and carrying on about Oso). He is funny and smart, clever and creative, shy and personable. He's my baby and as his mama I hope to make him proud.

I made a video for his birthday, but you can only view it on a computer (sorry, I'm stikk new to YouTube). Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4rT04eRZMc

Happy birthday, Charlie Ryan! Mommy and Daddy love you SO much!

Xoxo

My Television Debut

Today was my big television debut! Two days before my prophylactic mastectomy I interviewed with Linda Hurtado from ABC news in Tampa. I told her and her cameraman all about my family's history of breast cancer,  my fears of getting breast cancer and why I chose to have remove my breasts to see to it that I dont get breast cancer. It's a very personal story, so I was stepping out of my comfort zone to try to help other women facing these same fears.

Check out my news story on ABC news!

The news story asks, "Is removing a healthy breast taking control of your destiny?" When a doctor tells you that you carry a genetic mutation that brings with it an 87% chance of developing breast cancer, but you can drastically reduce that risk to less than 1% if you have a preventative mastectomy, then YES I took control of my destiny. Of course you can never be 100% certain that there isnt residual breast tissue left that may develop breast cancer, but it's highly unlikely.

I'd like to share this link below. It's absolutely beautiful, yet heartbreaking. A husband documented is wife's battle, and defeat, with breast cancer through a series of pictures.
http://mywifesfightwithbreastcancer.com/

Some may say that my decision was "drastic" or "unnecessary."  I think dying from this dreadful disease is "drastic" and "unnecessary." I did what I could to help ensure that breast cancer doesn't steal me away from my family. I would go through the anxiety, surgery, drains, fills, shooting pains in my back and arms, emotional roller coaster of seeing my body be so foreign to me and another surgery for my "real" implants again and again if it means that I won't see the same fate as my Aunt Rainy and millions of other women.

If I can help just one woman traveling on the same journey as me, then I will be satisfied.

Xoxo

P.S. shout out to my Hags who were shown at the end of the news story. Love you ladies!

Scar tissue goes POP!

Yet another restless night.  I'm becoming quite the night owl.  This Thursday will mark my eight week anniversary since my mastectomy.  Sometimes it seems surreal, but I am becoming quite accustomed to my "new" body.  I started a diet two weeks ago and have lost about 7-8lbs.  I'm eating healthier and I feel good.

Today I had my 6th fill in my expanders.  I am now up to 700cc's in righty and 690cc's in lefty.  Why the difference you ask?  Today I went in for my weekly fill with nurse Debbie.  The fills take about 30 minutes, but aren't painful.  Debbie and I share a nice conversation that ranges anywhere from talking about yoga, our kids and our husbands to how large I want to go with my expanders.  She normally fills me with 50cc's in each side, but last week I asked her if we could try more since I wasn't having much pain anymore.  Last week she put 75cc's in each side.  Lefty was pretty sore for about two days, but I was feeling better by Thursday.  Today she put the same amount in each side.

Debbie filled righty first - no pain at all.  In fact, because I am completely numb where the port is I felt nothing at all.  The port on lefty is up a bit higher where I still have some feeling, so I always feel her inject the needle.  I still had a bruise from last week and so it hurt more than usual when she started filling me.  I was trying to be a trooper and not complain about the pain, but the more she pressed down on the pump the more I could feel my skin stretching and the pain starting in my back.  Still, foolishly, I didn't say anything and continued on with our conversation.  When we had about 10cc's left to go she stopped for a second because her hand was hurting her.  I asked her if we were almost finished because I was feeling the stretching "a little bit".  She said we could stop, but since we only had 10cc's left to go I said to finish it.

Then I heard, and felt, a big snap in chest.  As soon as Debbie started to fill again I was in excrutiating pain.  I cried out.  Of course she stopped immediately.  It felt like something broke in the upper left part of my breast.  Then the pain shot up my shoulder and down my left arm into my fingers.  The pain brought me to tears.  Debbie explained to me that it was most likely scar tissue tearing from being stretched.  She offered to take some of the saline out, but I just wanted the needle as far away from me as possible.  Once the pain began to subside I went home and promised to call her if I wanted her to take some of the saline out.

I was still in tears when I got home, which scared my husband.  The pain was getting worse.  I decided to take a percocet to see if that would ease the pain.  It certainly did.  Unfortunately I didn't get any rest because Charlie wanted me to play with him all afternoon when he got home from school.  Once the percocet wore off this evening they pain was back.  I couldn't get comfortable.  If I laid on my back the pressure of the expanders made it hard to breath.  I couldn't lay on my side without pain shooting down each arm.  Finally, around 11:00pm I went back to my trusty old recliner that helped me sleep through the first two weeks post-op.  I slept for about two hours when I woke up in pain again.  Then Charlie woke up and wanted to cuddle.  (I have to admit, his cuteness helped.  I said, "Mommy's boo-boo's are hurting me.  Would you rather cuddle with Daddy so I cant get better?"  He said in his sweet little voice, "Nope.")

So. here it is 2:23am and I resorted to another percocet.  The pain is now tolerable, and Jason rubbed my arm to ease some of the tension.

As I've said before, you can't ever be truly prepared for all of the aftermath of a surgery like this.  There are good days, and there are bad days.  I've been blessed with mostly good days, but today has been quite trying.  I'm exhausted (what else is new).

In other news, I received my business cards from FORCE, and I am very excited to be an Outreach Coordinator here in Tampa.   I will post more about that (hopefully) tomorrow, as long as this pain has subsided.

Goodnight, everyone!  Let's hope these pain meds help me get some much needed rest.

Xoxo

My Angel in Heaven

It's the first day of spring!  The day that many people (in the Northern Hemisphere) have been longing for all winter.  Spring is the season of rebirth.  The harsh winter season is behind us and Mother Nature nurishes the earth with a rebirth of beautiful flowers. 

For me, spring is a constant reminder of breast cancer's unforgiving nature.  Twenty-six years agotoday my beautiful Aunt Rainy succumbed to her battle with breast cancer.  For a three-year-old, I still remember that day vividly.  I was walking down the stairs at my Mom-mom and Pop-pop's house holding my mom's hand.  I was wearing pink pants and a white shirt.  My Pop-pop answered a phone call and then told us that Aunt Rainy had taken a turn for the worse.  Everyone cried.  I didn't fully understand what was going on, but I knew it couldn't be good. 

Aunt Rainy was the first person in my immediate family to have breast cancer (that we know of).  Genetic testing wasn't available in the 1980's, so she didn't have the option to prevent cancer.  I've witnessed first hand what breast cancer can do to a family.  My mom lost her only sister.  My Mom-mom couldn't watch a home video of Aunt Rainy without crying for days.  Although I was very young when the Lord called Aunt Rainy home to Heaven, her memory lived on through the stories that my Mom-mom would tell me as I was growing up. 

I cannot stress enough that if you have a strong history of breast or ovarian cancer in your family, please consider genetic testing.  Hereditary breast and ovarian cancer pops up earlier in life than the general population.  Genetic screen potentially saved my life.  Under the Affordable Care Act, genetic testing for breast cancer will now be covered according to this news article. 

http://news.yahoo.com/breast-cancer-genetic-testing-gets-covered-health-care-234648209.html

 Aunt Rainy did not have the options to prevent breast cancer that we have today.  Her legacy will live on through me and I will do my best to spread the word that prevention can save lives.  She is my angel and my guardian, and although my family (her daughter, my mom, my Mom-mom...) miss her tremendously, Heaven is a little bit brighter today as she smiles down upon us. We miss you Aunt Rainy! 

In loving memory of Lorraine Marie Castellucci 1948-1987.

Increase in Mastectomies

No one has questioned my decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy. Nobody has told me that I was making a horrible decision or that I was crazy for doing so. Perhaps once I tell them about my family history of breast cancer and that I *had* an 87% chance of getting breast cancer they realize how serious having a BRCA1 mutation is.

Not all women are as fortunate to have the great support that I've had. There are many critics opposed to mastectomies, whether they be preventative or not. Since 1996, when genetic testing for BRCA mutations became available, there has been a large spike in women choosing mastectomies over lumpectomies or doing it preventatively. This article from CNN goes into more details on.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/13/health/double-mastectomy-rates-up/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Having an aunt lose her battle with breast cancer in her thirties and seeing my Mom-mom battling breast cancer for the second time at 90-years-old, plus having a BRCA1 mutation that was the cause of their suffering, made having a prophylactic mastectomy a no brainer. Don't get me wrong, it was not an easy decision to surgically remove my breasts. There was a lot of research involved and many restless nights crying over what felt like the inevitable. When you're told that it's not a matter of if, but when you will get breast cancer, you begin to reprioritize your life. Do I want to die from this disease? No. Do I want my son to grow up without a mother?  No. Plain and simple, I don't want to die from breast cancer.

There seems to be this stigma in society that breasts are what define a woman. It takes a strong woman to decide to remove her breasts, and that's might intimidate some people. For example, when Miss Washington DC, Allyn Rose, opened up about her decision to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy once her duties with Miss America were complete, people bombarded her facebook page pleading with her not to do. There was a lot of support for Ms. Rose, but I was shocked to find that mainly men were practically begging her not to have this surgery. Their reasoning ranges from "your're too beautiful" to "eat an apple and a carrot everyday and you won't get breast cancer." I'm sure standing on my head whilst balancing balls on my nose and wearing a green tutu will prevent us from getting breast cancer too.

In my opinion, the reason we are seeing an increasd in mastectomies is because there is so much more information out there today than there was twenty years ago. Plastic surgeons can do amazing things with reconstruction techniques so that women don't feel so "deformed" or "unwomanly" after this surgery. Many women who carry a BRCA mutation have witnessed loved ones suffer from breast and/or ovarian cancer. Now those women have a chance to stop what may be the inevitable.

A quote in the article I mentioned earlier states, "We want quick solutions, and we expect there's an answer to every problem. In many cases these women don't need double.

My choice to have a mastectomy was not a quick solution, and it certainly was not an answer to all of my problems. If someone told you that if you get on an airplane you have an 87% chance of that plsne crashing with you in it, would you fly on that plane? I wouldn't. My breasts didn't define me as a woman, but they did consume me with fear. Maybe I didn't need to have a mastectomy, but I certainly didn't need to have my life taken from me by breast cancer.

Until next time...

Xoxo

Fills and Enlightenments

It's been nearly six weeks since my prophylactic mastecomy. I started my fills in my expanders three weeks ago. I can definitely notice a difference and dont look so unproportionate in shirts. When a plastic surgeon does fills he is injecting saline into a port that lies just beneath your skin. By having fills done once a week it stretches your skin and muscle (the expanders are placed behind your muscle since the skin is so thin after a mastectomy). Some women opt to have direct-to-implants, but I wasnt a good candidate for that. If I had chosen that route I probably would have ended up smaller thsn I was before surgery. With expanders I can essentially choose what size I want to be.

 

Fills dont necessarily hurt when the doctor is doing them. The needle looks a lot worse than it is. I usually don't feel the injection on my right side since I am still numb there. I do feel it on the left,  but it doesnt hurt. The doctor has been injecting 50cc's on each side during each visit. Since we are stretching my skin and muscles I am usually pretty sore for about a day after my fills.

 

Going through this whole process has been very enlightening for me. I could've had breast cancer, but I don't. I have been given a chance at life that so many women don't have. I need to cherish everything I've been blessed with - my husband, my son, my family and friends.  We only get one chance at life, so we shouldn't waste it wondering what could have been or feeling sorry for ourselves.

 

Here is Charlie at three-months old.  He's given me my strength and courage throughout this journey.  He gives my life great purpose!

 

Until next time... xoxo

Post-Mastectomy Blues

For nine months I prepared myself both physically and mentally for my prophylactic mastectomy.  I *tried* to eat healthy, running was my outlet for stress and I found an amazing support group of other previvors.  I did plenty of research on the surgery and my doctors.  I attended the FORCE conference in October.  By January I was 100% ready for my surgery.  I woke up from my surgery smiling and so proud of myself that I conquered the biggest challenge of my life.

What I wasn't prepared for was what came after my surgery - the pain, the lack of control, the helplessness... I couldn't make meals for myself.  I couldn't sit up by myself.  I could barely walk by myself.  I couldn't dress myself.  I certainly couldn't bathe myself.  I was taking pain medication every three hours.  I even ran a fever the first night I was home.

The Monday after my surgery I went to see Dr. Redmon, my plastic surgeon.  The car ride to his office was painful.  Every turn and every bump sent shocks of pain through my body.  I hadn't showered since Wednesday and felt disgusting.  When he took off my surgical bra I could not look down.  I didn't want to see.  Jason was with me, and he was so brave.  I broke down and cried.  I still had my drains in.  I felt miserable. 

I finally mustered up the courage to peak at my "foobs" later that night.  They really didn't look that bad with the steri strips covering my scars.  When I tried to sleep that night I was overcome with excrutiating pain.  It felt as if my drains were being pulled.  I kept my drain bulbs in a fanny pack, but other than that they were just hanging from underneath my arms.  I cried and cried.  My mom wrapped gauze around me to keep the drain tubes close to my sides so they wouldn't pull.  There I was standing in the kitchen with no shirt on, completely helpless and relying on my mom and Marcia to help me.  As I'm crying, Charlie came into the kitchen and said, "Mama boo-boo's."  He took my hand and said, "All better."  That sweet little gesture from my two-year-old helped me fight through that pain.

On Wednesday Dr. Redmon took my drains out.  It was the best relief.  I was finally able to take a shower.  I couldn't do it by myself, and Jason had to wash my hair for me.  Giving up control over something we all take for granted like washing our own hair was tough.  For the rest of the week I continued on my regimen of pain meds.  My mom stayed until the next Sunday (February 10th).  I was so spoiled when she was here.  She cooked me yummy vegetarian food and made sure I was well taken care of.  I was able to get out of the house a few times to go for a walk or to the store, but I couldn't walk very far without the pain kicking in.

I was very scared when my mom left, but Jason and Marcia have done a great job taking care of me.  The second week was still tough, but not quite so bad as the first week.  Most of the pain was in my back, but I was still feeling very optimistic about my healing.

That Friday I went to the chiropractor to see if he could help me with my back pain.  Immediately after my adjustment and therapy I felt nauseous and the pain in my back became very intense.  I ran a fever of 101.5 that night.  I called both Dr. Redmon and Dr. Campbell and they agreed that it doesn't appear to be an infection.  So I took some tylenol and my fever subsided almost immediately.  By the next day my back pain was practically gone.  However, I spent the rest of the weekend with an upset stomach.  By Monday I wanted to try to wean off of my pain meds.  I've been taking Soma (muscle relaxer) and Percocet as needed.

That leads me to right now.  It's 1:30am on Saturday morning and I cannot sleep.  I haven't been able to sleep all week.  When I do sleep it's in tiny increments.  One night I slept for twenty minutes, then was wide awake for twenty minutes.  That cycle continued for three hours.  The only time I get decent sleep is when Jason is home with me.

Physically, I am exhausted.  Mentally, my mind won't stop racing.  I find myself staring off into space and sometimes crying.  I cannot figure out why.  I am happy with my decision to have this surgery.  I don't have to live in fear of getting breast cancer anymore.  So why am I so sad?

When Charlie was born Jason and I had spent nine months preparing for his arrival.  We went to a parenting class, and I read up on as much mommy information as I could possibly find.  I knew that there would be sleepless nights and that a baby is a lot of work.  What I wasn't prepared for was the difficulty of trying to breast feed, the lack of sleep, exhaustion and having this tiny human being's life in my hands.  I was overwhelmed at first, but then with Jason's help we figured out routines and life with a baby became easier.  I feel as though the emotions I have been feeling since my PBM are very similar to what I felt after Charlie was born.  I spent nine months preparing for the surgery, but I really had no idea what it would be like after the surgery because I hadn't witnessed anyone else go through this first hand.

I feel guilty for having the "post-mastectomy blues".  There are women out there who have it a lot harder than I do.  Some women have had serious complications with their surgeries.  Some women have breast cancer.  I don't feel sorry for myself.  In fact, I feel very blessed.  I am just trying to figure out how to live my life without the anxiety of having to get mammograms and MRI's and waiting for the results fearing that they will come back with bad news.

I saw my breast surgeon, Dr. Campbell, on Tuesday.  I tried to go in with a brave smile, but as soon as she walked into the room I started to cry.  Dr. Campbell has a way to make you feel comforted (which is one of the reasons why I call her an angel).  Today I received a letter from her in the mail.  It was just what I needed to reassure me that I made the best decision - not just with my surgery, but with my choice in doctors as well.

I'm not looking for pity.  I'm just trying to make sense out of these new emotions, continue on my journey and remember all of the reasons why I am blessed.  Just for fun, I would like to name some of them:

-I have the best mama.  If she is reading this, I want her to know that I appreciate her more than I can ever say.

-I have a wonderful husband who has been more supportive and loving than I could have ever asked for.

-I have awesome friends.  Thank you all for supporting me and being there for me.  The overwhelming amount of love, gifts and kind words have helped me through the toughest moments along this journey.

-I have doctors who have helped me feel comfortable in my decisions and are taking great care of me.

-I can look forward to watching my son grow up without the fear of breast cancer taking that away from me.

Giving up control and the unknown can be very scary.  But I must have faith that God has great things in store for me.  When one door closes another opens, and on the other side of that door is a beautiful future in store for me and my family.

Goodnight :-)

I'm Alive

I am nine days post-surgery, and these have been the toughest nine days of my life.  Each day gets a little better, but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of the pain.  Regardless, the moment I woke up from surgery I knew that I was 110% confident in my decision to take charge of my destiny.

I was relatively calm the morning of my surgery.  I woke up, curled my hair (didn’t use any product), and Jason and I were off to the hospital.  My mom couldn’t come with us because she had to stay home and watch Charlie.  He wasn’t feeling well and had to stay home from preschool.  A cameraman and producer from ABC news in Tampa met us at the hospital for a quick interview.  I really don’t remember much about the interview, but they were very kind and Jason was being funny.

Around 9:30am I was in my lovely hospital attire and my nurse, Stella, was inserting my IV.  My nerves were starting to get to me so she gave me something wonderful to calm them down.  Because Dr. Campbell was taking lymph nodes I had to be injected with a blue dye so she could find them.  A nurse came in and told me she had to inject four needles with the blue dye into each breast.  Yikes!  It didn’t hurt.  Each time the nurse injected the needle she would say, “Bee sting… ouch ouch ouch… all done.”  It helped!

By 11:00am, Dr. Campbell came in to say hello, she taped my angel worry stone to my arm band, said a prayer and wheeled me off to surgery.  The anesthesiologist came by to say a few words to me.  The last thing I remember was her telling me that she was injecting me with something.  I asked, “Will this put me to sleep?”  She told me no, but that was all that I remembered.

Two seconds later I woke up and saw Dr. Redmon looking over me.

“Hey, is that Dr. Redmon?” I asked.

“Yes it is,” a nurse said.

“I’m alive!” I said.

The next two hours consisted of me dozing in and out.  I may have introduced myself to the nurse, in case she didn’t know who I was.  Then they were rolling me off to my room.

I first saw Jason and my mom.  Behind them were my “Hags”, JoEllen, Cheri and Hayley.  They all came to my room with me.  I felt really good.  I wasn’t in much pain.  Life was good.  I may have said something about JoEllen taking me to England to see my friend Vikkie, and Jason was a doctor – McSteamy.  Either way, the first night was pretty good.  Jason even slept overnight with me since I was in a private room.

When I woke up the next morning I was very itchy.  My mom brought me a back scratcher.  I believe it was from the morphine.  Dr. Redmon came by to see me and told me that he was able to fill up my expanders to 350cc’s.  He said I am probably about halfway through my fills already depending on how big I want to go.

I had a few visitors throughout the day.  Mary came to see me at lunchtime and brought  me beautiful roses.  JoEllen and Cheri came to see me.  They made me a collage of pictures of all of us that said, “All I need is love, drugs and Hags”.  Debi visitied me and brought me yummy honey roasted sesame sticks.  Leona came to visit and brought me a granola bar and some other snack.  I felt very loved.

Dr. Campbell came by to talk to me about the surgery.  She said everything went well.  I had to breathe into my spirometer and she cheered me on.

Jason stayed with me again that night, and I was even able to get up and walk around in the hallway.

All in all, right after surgery I felt pretty darn good.

Saturday was a different story.  But I will blog more about that later…

"All I need is love, drugs and Hags"