Today I had my 6th fill in my expanders. I am now up to 700cc's in righty and 690cc's in lefty. Why the difference you ask? Today I went in for my weekly fill with nurse Debbie. The fills take about 30 minutes, but aren't painful. Debbie and I share a nice conversation that ranges anywhere from talking about yoga, our kids and our husbands to how large I want to go with my expanders. She normally fills me with 50cc's in each side, but last week I asked her if we could try more since I wasn't having much pain anymore. Last week she put 75cc's in each side. Lefty was pretty sore for about two days, but I was feeling better by Thursday. Today she put the same amount in each side.
Debbie filled righty first - no pain at all. In fact, because I am completely numb where the port is I felt nothing at all. The port on lefty is up a bit higher where I still have some feeling, so I always feel her inject the needle. I still had a bruise from last week and so it hurt more than usual when she started filling me. I was trying to be a trooper and not complain about the pain, but the more she pressed down on the pump the more I could feel my skin stretching and the pain starting in my back. Still, foolishly, I didn't say anything and continued on with our conversation. When we had about 10cc's left to go she stopped for a second because her hand was hurting her. I asked her if we were almost finished because I was feeling the stretching "a little bit". She said we could stop, but since we only had 10cc's left to go I said to finish it.
Then I heard, and felt, a big snap in chest. As soon as Debbie started to fill again I was in excrutiating pain. I cried out. Of course she stopped immediately. It felt like something broke in the upper left part of my breast. Then the pain shot up my shoulder and down my left arm into my fingers. The pain brought me to tears. Debbie explained to me that it was most likely scar tissue tearing from being stretched. She offered to take some of the saline out, but I just wanted the needle as far away from me as possible. Once the pain began to subside I went home and promised to call her if I wanted her to take some of the saline out.
I was still in tears when I got home, which scared my husband. The pain was getting worse. I decided to take a percocet to see if that would ease the pain. It certainly did. Unfortunately I didn't get any rest because Charlie wanted me to play with him all afternoon when he got home from school. Once the percocet wore off this evening they pain was back. I couldn't get comfortable. If I laid on my back the pressure of the expanders made it hard to breath. I couldn't lay on my side without pain shooting down each arm. Finally, around 11:00pm I went back to my trusty old recliner that helped me sleep through the first two weeks post-op. I slept for about two hours when I woke up in pain again. Then Charlie woke up and wanted to cuddle. (I have to admit, his cuteness helped. I said, "Mommy's boo-boo's are hurting me. Would you rather cuddle with Daddy so I cant get better?" He said in his sweet little voice, "Nope.")
So. here it is 2:23am and I resorted to another percocet. The pain is now tolerable, and Jason rubbed my arm to ease some of the tension.
As I've said before, you can't ever be truly prepared for all of the aftermath of a surgery like this. There are good days, and there are bad days. I've been blessed with mostly good days, but today has been quite trying. I'm exhausted (what else is new).
In other news, I received my business cards from FORCE, and I am very excited to be an Outreach Coordinator here in Tampa. I will post more about that (hopefully) tomorrow, as long as this pain has subsided.
Goodnight, everyone! Let's hope these pain meds help me get some much needed rest.
Xoxo
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